An Unholy Mess of a Girl

F, 27. A repository of all that inspires me, as well as a personal diary for me to vent and rant about my diagnosed mental illness. I am an open book when it comes to my disorder, my sexuality, and my thoughts so don't add me if you are a prude or don't like sex or don't want to read about mental illness. I struggle getting through life, but am always striving to get better.

I do post very much of things I like, such as and in no particular order: books, collecting books, sex, erotica, art, design, Surrealism, Dadaism, intelligence, anti-religion, post-punk, shoe-gaze/dream pop, music in general, the brain, psychology, philosophy, creating things, slipstream, the strange and unusual, literature, style, fashion, minimalism, etc.


BLISSED OUT LIFE: XVI

I have some new photos up at Blissed Out Life! Please kindly follow me at these places if you’d like to see more photos and blog posts. I am going to do a giveaway soon of a reallllllly cool huuuuuuge paper/craft/diy magazine by Flow filled with stickers, a garland, pop-outs, labels, stickers, envelopes, fortune tellers, wall art prints, craft paper, note sheets, gift wrap and more! It’s seriously the coolest thing ever.

https://www.facebook.com/blissedoutlife
https://www.bloglovin.com/blog/11532539

DBT saved my life so it makes me happy to see you post about using a skills book. I hope everything gets better for you.

A question by mybittersweetabyss

Thank you so much for the support. It means a lot. 

I decided to finally start on the DBT workbook I bought awhile back. I have not been feeling well these past couple of weeks and I feel like I’m slipping again. My bad habits and thoughts have come back and that makes me hate myself even more.

I am gaining a lot of weight from the Seroquel and that makes me miserable too, thinking of the long run and how much weight I will gain if I don’t get off it but I’m scared of trying other medications. I feel like they all are going to have that same side effect and I’m beginning to think I don’t want to take the medication at all.

When I last saw the doctor she increased my dose but that didn’t make me feel well so I stopped taking those and started taking the previous dose because I still had a whole bottle of that. Then I ran out. I haven’t felt motivated enough to go back in and request something else so I’ve just been taking the higher dose but cutting it in half and only taking half a night.

Also, I have not been taking the thyroid medicine for two or three weeks now because I ran out and haven’t gone to get the refill. All the symptoms of that came back: the fast heartbeat, very hot body temperature, racing thoughts, anxiety and mood changes.

I know these things are affecting me a lot and have recently interfered with relationships and friendships yet again. And I am feeling so TIRED. I just want to have NORMAL thoughts and NORMAL friendships and relationships without my mind trying to sabotage those things.

Please send me good vibes. I want desperately to get better but my motivation is slipping and it’s so hard getting out of this hole of uneasiness, self sabotage and self hatred. I want to love myself and be able to love others, to care for myself and care for others.

design: Yutaka satoh